Thursday, October 09, 2008
" truth be told ; 10:07 PM "
there are many times when i look to check if i'm doing things the way i shouldn't be doing them or if i'm doing them because i have to. and the warped thing is that i feel like i'm doing it because i don't want to but i have to for the sake of the things i want to have. and ten i tell myself, i'm a bitch, i'm a loser and i ask myself whatthefuck i'm doing. i get jealous and tensed and angry and hurt and i start pms-ing and i won't stop and i'll maintain status bitch for about 7 days. then i'll get happy for a few moments which seem gorgeous but then start to falter as comparison never shuts up. and i weep and jump and laugh and try to decide if i'm happy or sad or if i simply can't be bothered. i want to shed shed shed, i tell myself i will shed shed shed if i get through this one big fat ugly hurdle that's tormenting me - that's killing me. i reprimand myself for being a wuss i tell myself to push on, i feel sick nauseous and gross and i'm like whatthefuck I CANT do this anymore.
just get me through this shit hole phase without any bruises . please.