Sunday, September 21, 2008
" thick-witted, dumb, doltish, dimwit ; 4:06 PM "
So, I'm stupid because I'm not good with numbers, because I can't seem to balance accounts, because I can't seem to calculate the number of moles in a whats-it.
But you see, no one sees my competent ability to do other things. For here, in this holy land, Singapore, you have to be able to hail the mathematical geniuses to prove your worth. For here in Singapore, spewing singlish and spitting on the ground is OKAY (forget the fines)- as long as you can find the square root of 2384729847 in the blink of an eye.
Your passion must be of computers and ps3's, you must love the feel of punching calculators, you must suck up to your teachers and you must shout your answer across the classroom even though you weren't asked to do so. Forget your tact, discard your manners, for if you are mathematical maple-loving genius, Singapore loves you.
When your friend asks if she can have a piece of foolscap, say, "No, I need it to do my homework." and then continue to wipe your nose with the sleeve of your uniform. Aim to be on the bus-stop advert with a bottle of chicken brand essence. Spew vulgarities when someone beats you in a subject, cry if you must, and vow to kill that someone.
When your teacher flashes everyone's marks on the projector screen, immediately check if you're the highest in class and after you do find out, wave your arms in the air and scream YES. Immediately after, check to see who the lowest is. Look at the person to analyze his/her reaction to his/her atrocious failure. Silently scorn, do a few tut-tuts and say, "Never study liao. Serves you right." before you proceed to tell everyone who the lowest is.
When your teacher yells at the class for being dumb and tells everyone that they're destined for failure, single yourself out. Protest! Say, "Yah everyone's dumb. But not meeee!"
Oh and when your friend needs help, say no. Or spew rubbish to pretend like you're helping your friend. Or if your friend asks you a question say, "Huh? You don't know that?" And laugh.
And if you get awesome marks, walk around the whole class asking everyone for their marks so that they can ask for yours and you can boast. And when your friend says, "Shit, I got 30." Say, "Wahlow, better than me, I got 75!" And proceed to fake-cry.
There you go. A kick-ass list that will guarantee you a place in today's society.
Have a great day.
edit./
Why does life play such sordid games?
How does this guy's writing burn through the screen of some 15 year old's computer so boldly? I keep asking myself this question. God knows where this guy is, somewhere in Barcelona. And yet I am completely at awe of the way these words compel me. These words which are supposed to mean nothing to me, draw me and drop me.
They draw me in. Yet I know with all my heart that this is false for now. It will only become my truth in a few years. And in a few years, I won't be this smitten fifteen year old anymore.
But you see, no one sees my competent ability to do other things. For here, in this holy land, Singapore, you have to be able to hail the mathematical geniuses to prove your worth. For here in Singapore, spewing singlish and spitting on the ground is OKAY (forget the fines)- as long as you can find the square root of 2384729847 in the blink of an eye.
Your passion must be of computers and ps3's, you must love the feel of punching calculators, you must suck up to your teachers and you must shout your answer across the classroom even though you weren't asked to do so. Forget your tact, discard your manners, for if you are mathematical maple-loving genius, Singapore loves you.
When your friend asks if she can have a piece of foolscap, say, "No, I need it to do my homework." and then continue to wipe your nose with the sleeve of your uniform. Aim to be on the bus-stop advert with a bottle of chicken brand essence. Spew vulgarities when someone beats you in a subject, cry if you must, and vow to kill that someone.
When your teacher flashes everyone's marks on the projector screen, immediately check if you're the highest in class and after you do find out, wave your arms in the air and scream YES. Immediately after, check to see who the lowest is. Look at the person to analyze his/her reaction to his/her atrocious failure. Silently scorn, do a few tut-tuts and say, "Never study liao. Serves you right." before you proceed to tell everyone who the lowest is.
When your teacher yells at the class for being dumb and tells everyone that they're destined for failure, single yourself out. Protest! Say, "Yah everyone's dumb. But not meeee!"
Oh and when your friend needs help, say no. Or spew rubbish to pretend like you're helping your friend. Or if your friend asks you a question say, "Huh? You don't know that?" And laugh.
And if you get awesome marks, walk around the whole class asking everyone for their marks so that they can ask for yours and you can boast. And when your friend says, "Shit, I got 30." Say, "Wahlow, better than me, I got 75!" And proceed to fake-cry.
There you go. A kick-ass list that will guarantee you a place in today's society.
Have a great day.
edit./
Why does life play such sordid games?
How does this guy's writing burn through the screen of some 15 year old's computer so boldly? I keep asking myself this question. God knows where this guy is, somewhere in Barcelona. And yet I am completely at awe of the way these words compel me. These words which are supposed to mean nothing to me, draw me and drop me.
They draw me in. Yet I know with all my heart that this is false for now. It will only become my truth in a few years. And in a few years, I won't be this smitten fifteen year old anymore.