Saturday, January 19, 2008
" positivity ; 9:07 PM "
been spending my days by my faltering lamp trying to ,
a) finish a highly complicating novel.
b)figure out why their opinions affect me so much.
c)miraculously lose weight by watching work out tapes.
the first one is definitely accomplishable, the second one is forgettable and the third one is just impossible.
i don't think it mattered that much to me before, until up to some point, when it did. i don't know why their stupid mutters and stares affect me so much. i just got a bad slap in the face, because apparently all my pseudo-"oh my god, he hates me" rants ended up in the pit. apparently i have no existence, (HARHAR) and he doesn't know who i am.
way to go, with the emotional (invisible) baggage huh? worrying about something that's just a one sided thing. all this while i was so annoyed because i thought i was an annoyance. now i'm laughing at myself because i wasn't an annoyance, i wasn't anybody. and i was so bloody affected by it! trust me, i've never felt more ridiculous in my life.
i let some minute, insignificant matter have an enormous impact on my life for the past two years. i let it annoy me, i let it disgust me, i let it drive me nuts. and now - when i see that it wasn't even the case, i didn't even really exist, apart from that 2 minutes of humiliation back in 2006- i feel like i want to guffaw so loudly. i want to LET MY BRAIN HEAR that i have been astonishingly dumb.
i really haven't. but now, all those feelings have just left me. for some time i felt like i was going to implode with all those emotions building up - but now, i just want to laugh about it. it's funny, even to myself, how i could let myself go that low, to think that i wasn't literate enough for a dimwit.
i have great people around me and i was so upset because some moron failed to be nice? or failed to remember what happened? *chuckles*. i'm stupid at the best of times, shan't let this be a problem anymore.
-flutter away, fuck (:
-fin,really, this time, FIN.
on a more cheerful note -
i love the art of noise, it's classic work.
i see a passionate violinist with incense sticks somewhere in a great novel, which i am going to finish now. yes. with a wonderful cuppa cocoa;
a) finish a highly complicating novel.
b)figure out why their opinions affect me so much.
c)miraculously lose weight by watching work out tapes.
the first one is definitely accomplishable, the second one is forgettable and the third one is just impossible.
i don't think it mattered that much to me before, until up to some point, when it did. i don't know why their stupid mutters and stares affect me so much. i just got a bad slap in the face, because apparently all my pseudo-"oh my god, he hates me" rants ended up in the pit. apparently i have no existence, (HARHAR) and he doesn't know who i am.
way to go, with the emotional (invisible) baggage huh? worrying about something that's just a one sided thing. all this while i was so annoyed because i thought i was an annoyance. now i'm laughing at myself because i wasn't an annoyance, i wasn't anybody. and i was so bloody affected by it! trust me, i've never felt more ridiculous in my life.
i let some minute, insignificant matter have an enormous impact on my life for the past two years. i let it annoy me, i let it disgust me, i let it drive me nuts. and now - when i see that it wasn't even the case, i didn't even really exist, apart from that 2 minutes of humiliation back in 2006- i feel like i want to guffaw so loudly. i want to LET MY BRAIN HEAR that i have been astonishingly dumb.
i really haven't. but now, all those feelings have just left me. for some time i felt like i was going to implode with all those emotions building up - but now, i just want to laugh about it. it's funny, even to myself, how i could let myself go that low, to think that i wasn't literate enough for a dimwit.
i have great people around me and i was so upset because some moron failed to be nice? or failed to remember what happened? *chuckles*. i'm stupid at the best of times, shan't let this be a problem anymore.
-flutter away, fuck (:
-fin,really, this time, FIN.
on a more cheerful note -
i love the art of noise, it's classic work.
i see a passionate violinist with incense sticks somewhere in a great novel, which i am going to finish now. yes. with a wonderful cuppa cocoa;