there are times when i want to open up and tell you everything - but i've learnt from that, you laugh at the things i say.

why do i always get cut off, when i want to explain the way i feel ? when i much rather tell someone what's going on up here, i never get the chance. i feel like i'm muddling through this, one step forward and one step back, in a situation i'll never get out of. this whole, "nobody said it was easy" phrase keeps playing in my head and i can't help but agree more. nobody said that, nobody said anything.

where is that parallel mind? i want to be able to fucking say anything and yet return to face of the un-fazed, the face of understanding.

where is that parallel mind, really. the lover of the sound of the cello, the exquisite meals, chardonnay, loud music, the smell of pine?

i dont know. it's all this big fat maze and i'm waiting to get out. when i delve into a great book, i never get out until i see the point in it.

i'm wondering if it's the same here. i need a great fucking dose of logical deduction, because everytime i feel like i'm using my heart over my mind, i feel exhausted and sad and just wistful. when i use my head, it's easier.

a whole lot easier.