Thursday, July 26, 2007
" the pitstop ; 9:22 PM "
so today i was reading an article. on optimism. on details and how thinking about brighter details make you a nicer, more pleasant person.
ok , ok so maybe things havent been observed in the best light so far. so maybe, im not miss positive or miss optmistic. but i'm only fourteen please and though i'd like to act all miss-mature, i don't think im quite capable of that or anything prior to being mature at this point of time. i'm guessing, i'll screw up, forget homework, get pissed off, get tired, get grumpy, get high and jump about just like any other normal teenager would. and i'm quite sure i'm entitled to my share of teenager piss-off mode.
sometimes i wish things were just like, one word. just one single element of things, with no extra bits to it, no extra information. like how, i can just say "that's a cow" and not pinpoint the patches of black and white and brown it has, or the bluntness of its hoof or the rotundness of its body. i don't like the way, everything has details and we can't avoid them. maybe we can. we can avoid the fact the cow has snot dribbling down from its nose, but i'm quite sure, for me anyways, i'd notice it and it'd be etched at the back of my mind.
i say this because - well, details are exhausting. they make you thing alot, too much infact. and if there were no details, or if i were nonchalant enough to ignore them, how much simpler would things be ? much more. i wouldnt have to worry about, well, the details. i'd just walk off having the bigger picture of things and being satisfied with it, rather than dwelling on every little stain and scratch in the situation.
but i could say, my brain has its switch on- switch off moments. my detail alerter only stays on for a period of time, but for maths and science it VERY conveniently switches off and then my bigger picture mode switches on.
darn
i hate having to worry about saying too much or not saying enough, or maybe not giving 100%. so, the procastination has to stop, right ? maybe if i stopped thinking about the details, or even stopped thinking about BOTH the details and the bigger picture and actually got down to doing what i want to do, it'd be reality.
it wouldn't even be thinking anymore. i wouldn't have to think about it, i'd already be doing it. and the reality of everything can shut out thought, because reality is thought actually being carried out.
and so i'll stop thinking about everything . i'll stop considering everything.
i'll just try and actually do things for once.