Thursday, May 26, 2005
" Learning how useless I am ; 2:19 PM "
I am so useless..
I just got back my stupid report card
What the shit is happening to my life?
I'm losing out to everything.
Love
Looks
Intelligence
I suck.
I just reek.
Hawa is right.
I am lame.
Why am I even living?
I should be dead or something..
or better, never born.
I'm never going to make it far..
who am I kidding?
Myself, apparently.
The hopes and dreams are a
waste of time
life
energy
and
breath.
Why do I push myself
to limits?
Why do I tell myself
that I rock?
I rule?
I am cool?
When I am not.
When nothing
works in the end
all you want to do
is to huddle
into this ball
and creep into a hole
to forget all
the shit
happening around you..
the worst thing
is when
you
know that the
shit
is caused by
you
and
only you.
It sucks to accept facts
like this.
I don't think I should
go up on
stage
and talk my heart
brain
and
soul out..
because
obviously what
I'm saying is so not from me
I think I don't
make sense
I'm not being
true to myself
by blabbing
all that nonsense
when I don't
have such a perfect
loving life.
It's stupid..
I'M stupid
I'm living some stupid
lie
and I'm telling
myself
that I'm
one step
better than some
people
when even
the lowest
of
low
is better than me.
I
have no face
to tell anyone
about my report card.
Anybody reading this..
you won't noe
either.
cos'
I'm not going
to post it
I'm going to
dwell over it
in heartbreak.
Not even the
closest to me
will know it
it's between
me..
and my
tears,
I guess..
I think
I know
I've swooned
over him so much
and still
I failed
I know
I tried hard to lose
weight
I failed
I know I tried
to clear my face
with some
facial cream
I failed.
I haven't tried my
best in studies
but some
voice
or
some gut
feeling..
tells me..
I'll just
fail.
So why try?
When you're going to hurt
yourself?
It's stupid..
Maybe it's because
you
just want to
prove
yourself
but when
you cant..
you are
heart broken
there are
chances
of succeeding
but in the end,
the chances
are so little
that
maybe..
you stretch
to
the
extent
that you hate
yourself
and that you want to just
fade
away
all for the better..
never for
the worst.
When your family
history
is filled with
all these success
stories,
well
the pressure
is
sorta
put on you
and you can't take it
and when you fail
you cry
so crushed
so broken
so vulnerable
so gullible
so naive
so..
alone
guess it's just
fate
fate
fate
happenings
happenings
happenings
life
life
life
you
you...
and...
only you
I just got back my stupid report card
What the shit is happening to my life?
I'm losing out to everything.
Love
Looks
Intelligence
I suck.
I just reek.
Hawa is right.
I am lame.
Why am I even living?
I should be dead or something..
or better, never born.
I'm never going to make it far..
who am I kidding?
Myself, apparently.
The hopes and dreams are a
waste of time
life
energy
and
breath.
Why do I push myself
to limits?
Why do I tell myself
that I rock?
I rule?
I am cool?
When I am not.
When nothing
works in the end
all you want to do
is to huddle
into this ball
and creep into a hole
to forget all
the shit
happening around you..
the worst thing
is when
you
know that the
shit
is caused by
you
and
only you.
It sucks to accept facts
like this.
I don't think I should
go up on
stage
and talk my heart
brain
and
soul out..
because
obviously what
I'm saying is so not from me
I think I don't
make sense
I'm not being
true to myself
by blabbing
all that nonsense
when I don't
have such a perfect
loving life.
It's stupid..
I'M stupid
I'm living some stupid
lie
and I'm telling
myself
that I'm
one step
better than some
people
when even
the lowest
of
low
is better than me.
I
have no face
to tell anyone
about my report card.
Anybody reading this..
you won't noe
either.
cos'
I'm not going
to post it
I'm going to
dwell over it
in heartbreak.
Not even the
closest to me
will know it
it's between
me..
and my
tears,
I guess..
I think
I know
I've swooned
over him so much
and still
I failed
I know
I tried hard to lose
weight
I failed
I know I tried
to clear my face
with some
facial cream
I failed.
I haven't tried my
best in studies
but some
voice
or
some gut
feeling..
tells me..
I'll just
fail.
So why try?
When you're going to hurt
yourself?
It's stupid..
Maybe it's because
you
just want to
prove
yourself
but when
you cant..
you are
heart broken
there are
chances
of succeeding
but in the end,
the chances
are so little
that
maybe..
you stretch
to
the
extent
that you hate
yourself
and that you want to just
fade
away
all for the better..
never for
the worst.
When your family
history
is filled with
all these success
stories,
well
the pressure
is
sorta
put on you
and you can't take it
and when you fail
you cry
so crushed
so broken
so vulnerable
so gullible
so naive
so..
alone
guess it's just
fate
fate
fate
happenings
happenings
happenings
life
life
life
you
you...
and...
only you