Tuesday, April 05, 2005
" Learning my feelings ; 7:17 PM "
I've been spending tons of time just focusing so much on other people's feelings and efforts. But mine! Everything I'm feeling right now is so much and so overwhelming that there are really no words to it. All I can say is, yes! I have not lost touch. I have certainly not lost those feelings. They occur whenever they can or want. And I believe, that's how it's all going to be. No matter what, I am going to be jealous. There's nothing..no ties no bonds that can stop me from being jealous. It's nothing to count on. I am jealous. I will be. But there is nothing, absolutely nothing I can do to achieve certain dreams. Because sometimes, you cry when you don't get something. But sometimes when you don't get something, you let it go..but you still want it. That's just how I feel. I realized if I type it all out, well, I am doing something about my feelings. Today was the most sloppiest day ever. I was sloppy, my mood...oh just terrible. The whole jealousy thing just affected me thoroughly. I couldn't just let that happen after so much of achieving so much of promising! I just couldn't. But it's true, when you start of your day like no one's bussiness, landing in shit, it's very difficult to turn around the rest of the day. It'll just be shit. What you ordered! I really really like him. I really do. I can like him as long as I want. Whatever it is, I don't stand a chance. It's difficult, I know. I'm JEALOUS. I am. But sometimes hopeless situations remain and always will. So leave it there. Move on. But sometimes, that face you captured and forced to your heart won't budge anymore. And, it's difficult. You're sad, but you're HAPPY. Because, that particular place you gave that captured image stays there and won't budge until it knows, when the true time is to give up hope.